Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Breaking the Silence

It has been too long since I have been away.
My life seems to change day by day but I always 
think about all my Crazy 4 Fluff readers that
I neglected.

As most of you may know I am going thru a 
divorce after being married for 5 years and 
together for nearly 8.
This journey has been by far the most difficult
chapter in my life.

I am now working 40 plus hours a week
and after getting home to my precious little
girls, taking care of my duties, etc..
I find absolutely no time to maintain my blog.
Though I miss it so dearly.

So this is me.. Breaking the silence.
I won't lie.. I may not be able to host
as many wonderful reviews and giveaways 
as I have in the past year BUT I will try
my utmost to keep this blog ALIVE!

So enough with the sad, depressing story of my
life as it is now.
I want to rant about cloth diapers.

Say it isn't so? Right?
But it is..
Maybe because my life is so chaotic these days
that the everyday joys that cloth diapering 
used to give me just isn't the same as it
once was.
I still use cloth, I send cloth the sitter..
But I find myself dreading it.

How can this be?? 
Me.. Mama of Crazy 4 Fluff, 
the "I will not surrender to sposies" lady
admits she has secretively bought a few packs
of sposies.. Just so I didn't have to wash a load
of diapers. (Hangs head low)

Can you ever forgive me? (lol)
Please someone tell me you can relate!
Now.. I'm not ready to go out and sell off my HUGE
stash but I admit the thought has crossed my mind a
time or two.
Maybe it's because I'm now a broke, single mother.
I honestly can't tell you the last time I got
fluff mail. Oh and we all know that fluff mail
is one of the things that makes cloth diapering
so stinking addictive!

I feel like I need a fix. 
Should I just stuff a diaper in a poly-mailer, 
address it to myself and drop it off at the
post office? No... that just wouldn't be the
same. Though it does sound kinda fun.

I don't want to feel this way.
It's like a friend I've lost contact with.
I've got to get out of this funk!!


epiphanyjayne said...

I have felt the funk before and I am Currently feeling it, for different reasons but still the same feeling about it. It feels like a loss of interest but yet you don't want to lose the interest it's a conflicting feeling. Maybe you just need to take a short break from it and come back to it. I did for a week, and when I went to put the soft minky back on my babes butt it felt good to do it again. I'm doing it again, taking a short break.

Mama Ewers said...

Hey Mama.. just wanted you to know that you are not alone.. my husband left us May 19th 2011.. he still has yet to file for divorce but is already living with another woman (moved in with her july/aug)... I am new single mom of 2 baby boys.. one of which has some severe medical condtions and spends a great deal of time in doctor appointments and hospitals... I was off cloth for nearly 6 weeks during a time when we didn't have a place to live... but we are settled into our home now.. and I am actually doing diaper laundry atm... I say.. take a complete break from cloth for about 4 weeks... and then if you miss it... go back... if not.. sell it!

Boise Wiebers said...

Don't stress about being away. Do what you can, when you can. Perhaps you can write a personal, non-giveaway related post once a month. It could be about something funny your girls did, a good cause you read about, a 'Wordless Wednesday', even an interesting blog or article that you stumbled upon that you think your readers might be interested in as well.

In regards to cloth vs. disposables. Don't beat yourself up over it. There is no need to secretly buy disposable diapers. You do what works best for your family and your budget at the moment. No guilt trips allowed either by you or someone else.

As far as your stash size goes, pick some of your favorites and keep enough to diaper your girls until potty training/learning is over and also keep enough so that you can wash twice a week instead of every other day. If you sell off the rest, you can use the money to help take care of your daughters and yourself.

As a SAHM to seven children living off of one modest income, I can tell you that sacrifices are just a part of life. Our needs are met and some of our wants are as well. However, we don't do things like annual luxurious vacations, buy new cars on a frequent basis, buy the latest electronic 'toys', etc.

Hang in there, Toni. You will find your way through this dark time. God will be with you and perhaps even carry you at times... times that you may not even see until a future point in time.